Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of daydreaming. That’s what I like to call it, but sometimes my mind is just blank ~ I’m not here. My mind wanders away from me, and I am unaware of the world around me. I’ll be sitting on a bench reading a book, and then I’ll drift off. Sometimes it happens when I am with my students, and then I use it as a teaching moment. “Do you know what it means to daydream?” Then we’ll talk about our daydreams. Maybe it is a kind of meditation. Maybe it is my way of making sense of my reality.
I’ve always been a daydreamer. I’m not sure why. There are so many possibilities, so many choices. I’m left wondering if I made the right decision. What if I had done things differently? What if I had never moved to Thailand? What if I didn’t say “Yes!” to the date? What if I had never sent that message? Perhaps, it would be like this or like that. I daydream about the other outcome. It’s not living in the past, present, or future. It’s living in my head. And I know it’s not always healthy. I’m not embracing my reality.
Lately, I’ve been drawing blanks, or filling up pages. I sit in quiet contemplation, and welcome the nothingness that enters. There is something calming and peaceful about it. It is a reprieve from my heartache. Then, I also welcome the random, and crafted thoughts that could fill an entire novel or a lengthy letter. Sometimes they are so eloquently put together, that they bring me clarity. They are letters to myself, letters of love and compassion. They are letters to that special someone, letters of love and gratitude. They are letters that I don’t know how to write. They are the letters that reside in my daydreams, and in my heart.